Recently Paul and I had a couple of days away on an all inclusive break where we just sat around and read and thought and created. This was in the preface of the first book I read and I was very challenged by it. Being fully present in the moment is not something I find easy but again I was reminded that I need to ask God to help me with this.
Rarely is life enough for us. Rarely are we able to live restfully the spirit of our own lives. More often what, where, and how we are living seem small, insignificant, petty and depressingly domestic. We seldom notice our hunger and sleep, cold and warmth. Rarely do we taste the coffee we drink. Instead we go through our days too preoccupied, too compulsive, too driven and too dissatisfied to really be able to be present to and celebrate our own lives. Always, it seems, we are somehow missing out on life. Added to this restlessness is fear and guilt. We live always in fear – about losing life, losing health, losing loved ones, losing a job, losing securities, losing youth, losing respect and losing ourselves. As well, our lives are always colored by guilt – guilt about things we have done wrong, guilt about things we have not done at all, and guilt, at times, simply about being alive, healthy and experiencing lives pleasures.
While I find it difficult to be real and say this is me there are times I know this is me – it sounds so unlike how I want to be but I know there are times when I feel like I am living on autopilot and not embracing life in all its fulness! I fear losing things which means I am not trusting God in the way that I want and I can feel that I should have done or not done so many things!
I have long loved the verses in Matthew 11.28-30 which talk about all those who are weary and heavy laden coming to God and I need to draw on those beautiful words rather than trying to carry on in my own strength.
Reference Ronald Rolheiser Forgotten Among the Lilies New York Image Doubleday 2005 pix-x