A wonderful friend sent me Susan Cain’s book Bittersweet to help me through my broken shoulder journey. There are lots of fascinating insights for me, particularly around the music we listen to but there is much on loss which has been a theme for a while for me, way before I broke my shoulder.
She writes: What are you separated from, what or whom have you lost? And also ask: Where is your particular pain of separation pointing you? What matters most deeply to you? And how can you bring that into being? (p96)
I am separated from autonomy, which as a fiercely independent person (I am not saying that is good!) has been the most challenging separation in the loss of an element of my physical health. Six weeks on I am still not driving, still not able to do all the meal preparation I would normally, still not able to carry very heavy loads, but I can dress myself!
The pain of separation is pointing me towards living the reality of the interdependence I say I value but am not always good at doing. I am so grateful to those who have willingly picked up the slack, given me lifts and generally helped me to live as I have hoped to.
I am also learning what matters most deeply to me work and ministry wise and will be able to make more informed choices as I go forward.
I know that as I have been experiencing my loss others have experienced much bigger losses but our reactions to incidents impact us and what may seem like a trivial loss to some, can wound deeply for others. I have had to come to terms with growing older in a way I had not probably yet done and am aware that there are likely to be more health losses like this as time goes on and that I need to set in place healthy attitudes and patterns that mean I can suffer loss but be mindful of the choices I make to process, embrace and live with it.
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